Pork Salome

Unfortunately, I no longer have a smart phone: it has been replaced with a $20 device whose camera leaves much to be desired.

I lived in Boise, Idaho for awhile as an adolescent. I did not like it very much, and there's very little I miss about it. But if I had a teleporter, I would be having lunch at Bar Gernika on a weekly basis*. And I would order the Solomo sandwich with croquetas on the side. The warm, soft, chickeny croquetas - I have never encountered their equal, and attempting to make them at home would probably break my heart. The Solomo, or rather, its pork and pimiento filling, I did decide to attempt however, and this is what I came up with:

PORK SALOME**

~1 pound pork - my grocery store sells what appears to be a pork loin that has been thinly sliced. You basically want relatively thin slices and/or medallions, how you get 'em is up to you.

1 jar roasted peppers (I happened to have some Trader Joe's brand handy)

1 lime

1 clove garlic (or so)

salt, pepper

Juice the lime into a bowl. Add the entire jar of roasted peppers, liquid included (you may want to dice them a bit. I didn't, out of laziness, figuring I could just do that once they got to my plate. It worked out fine. But if you are making this for a group, I'd suggest strips or something along those lines). Add pork, stir well. Leave to marinate for a few hours (probably not more than 2-3, and maybe it'd be better to do less. I think the lime juice dries the pork out some. I guess you could potentially add it during cooking, but I think maybe it like, shocks the meat into absorbing more flavor? I dunno.).

(If, as I did, you're making kale and rice to accompany this dinner - which was quite delicious - you'd begin put the rice on, then get the kale going, then turn your attention to the meat. The timing worked out perfectly.)

In a large pan, melt a pat of butter and add a bit of olive oil. Fish the pork out with your fingers and brown it on each side, adding garlic salt and pepper to the side facing up once you've put the piece down. Once it's browned - ie, basically cooked, if it's thinly sliced - squeeze in the garlic (I admit, you can probably skip this step) and then dump the marinade over the top, bring to a boil, and turn it off. Boom, you're done.

The pork is juicy and infused with the flavor of the roast peppers. I think the lime is key, because it cuts the heavy sweetness of the peppers just a bit. I'd recommend a nice white wine to go with it. I had some Espirito Lagoalva 2007 in the fridge, so I drank that. Pleasant a wine though it be, it was a little too sweet. I think you want something slightly dry, but still fruity.

*It's a strange quirk of Boise - it is a strange magnet for various ethnic minorities. There is a Basque part of town, which is actually one block, consisting of a small museum/cultural center, some sidewalk art, and Bar Gernika. Or at least, that was the case when I lived there, which was about 15 years ago.

**Yes, I changed the name slightly.

Bacon Lentil Pap

I was sort of scavenging around the kitchen for scraps to make into dinner last night, and figured that lentils would probably make for a solid meal. In searching for what to do with them, I came upon a number of recipes, one of which suggested cooking them in pork fat. This, of course, seemed like a great idea. I then found some other recipes, and combined them in my head with inspiration from a recipe I really like for pappa al pomodoro* (now that I look at it, the resemblance is actually quite minimal, and is based mostly on the bread and vinegar part, but whatever), from which this dish derives is onomatopoeic ish? name.

So.

2/3 cup lentils

2 slices thick cut bacon (more is great too, that's just what I had handy)

8 cloves garlic

3 slices bread (day-old/stale works well, but fresh is fine too. but it needs to be real bread, the quality kind with a proper crust, not some sliced sammich shit.)

oregano

vinegar (red wine is best, but I ran out and supplemented with apple cider and then, in desperation, balsamic)

salt

Peel and finely chop the garlic. In a heavy bottomed pot over medium-low heat, fry the bacon. Once the fat has rendered, remove the strips, setting them aside to cool. Maybe throw in some extra bacon grease - I did. Add the diced garlic to the fat, and as soon as it starts to sizzle and get fragrant - ie, before it turns brown or black, which happens so much faster than you'd expect - add the lentils and toss. Then add 4 cups of water, some salt, a bunch of oregano, and a good few glugs of vinegar. Cook at a medium-low simmer until the lentils are done. Every recipe I consulted said this would take about 25 minutes, but wtf, my lentils took like an hour. What's that about**. Anyways, be sure to check on 'em occasionally and add more water if necessary. Once the lentils are basically cooked, toast your 3 slices of bread (stale bread would not require toasting), roughly chop it, and add it to the pot. Boom, you're done.

EDIT:

Oh, I forgot - about 20 minutes into cooking, I discovered that I had two very nice tomatoes, so I chopped them up and added them as well. You could probably use a can of diced ones too. I think they're a good touch.

*Which, by the way, I have made with a surprise addition of chorizo, and it worked very well. I thought I'd posted about that, but apparently not. Mea culpa!

**Incidentally, one recipe I saw said to put the lentils in cold salted water, bring it to a boil, cook 5 minutes, remove from heat, let them sit for an hour, then cook 25 minutes. This seemed like a royal pain in the ass, but maybe it would be more effective?

Bacon Van Gogh

Via Charlie: step by step instructions for recreating Van Gogh's Starry Night in bacon.

Bacon Draws for the ladiez

Via Charlie, bacon panties for the ladies.

These are fairly standard, run-of-the-mill bacon fan undergarments:

I'm not wild about the cut (if you have a large bottom, it doesn't tend to be so flattering), but the font is well chosen, and they're nice enough.

These, although there's the same design/cut issue (notice in this second picture, the tell-tale sag at the crotch, which to me always makes it seem like you've shit yourself, or consciously bought underwears that allow you the space to do so in comfort), are simultaneously awesome and somewhat sinister:

To begin with, I have a large fatty bottom, and putting a butcher's diagram on it seems a little bit unsettling. Couple that with the fact that the swine in the picture seems to be examining itself hungrily, the whole thing screams cannibalism.

...I totally want a pair.

Charcuteroulette

Via my friend Ben: Charcuteroulette. So sexy.

Bacon maple milkshake

I stumbled across this post about a bacon maple vanilla milkshake today and oh wow, I really want to try it. Because you are probably as lazy about internet things as I am ("seriously, I have to click a link? give it to me already!"), here's the recipe itself:

• 2 slices bacon (about 2 ounces/57 grams), cut into thin strips
• 6 tablespoons cold whole or lowfat milk (about 3 ounces/90 milliliters)
• 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup, preferably grade B (about 1 ounce/30 milliliters)
• Pinch of salt
• 8 medium scoops French vanilla ice cream (about 1 quart/24 ounces/680 grams), softened until just melty at the edges

(yes I know the formatting went screwy on that copy/paste job, but I think it looks kind of neat. also it would take a modicum of effort to fix. EDIT: wait, so now it's gone back to normal? ARGH!)

1. 1

   Fry the bacon in a small skillet set over medium heat, stirring frequently, until rendered and crisp, about 5 minutes. With a slotted spoon, remove the cooked bacon to paper towels to drain, and nibble on it or reserve it for garnishing the shake. Off the heat, briefly cool the fat in the skillet.

2. 2

   Place the milk, maple syrup, 1 tablespoon of cooled bacon fat (if there is any more, you can discard it), salt, and ice cream in a blender and pulse several times to begin breaking up the ice cream. With the blender motor off, use a flexible spatula to mash the mixture down onto the blender blades. Continue pulsing, stopping, and mashing until the mixture is well blended, thick, and moves easily in the blender jar, roughly 30 to 90 seconds. Pour into a chilled glass or glasses, and serve at once, garnishing with rendered bacon if desired.

   
   
   

Huh, now it's gone screwy on the instructions too. I kind of like the mystery of it, but ok, here's what it comes down to: basically, fry the bacon, set it aside for garnish and use the fat only. Throw it in a blender with the rest of the ingredients. Blend.


Incidentally, I saw this after clicking through some links connected to this post, which is about ways to make your ramen more exciting. Some of them look so good that I actually want to get some ramen. Check it out. There's even some bacon-related stuff in there.

Burger's Smokehouse Bacon Steak Cuts

Awhile back I received an email from Tara from Woodruff Sweitzer on behalf of Burger's Smokehouse. Burger's Smokehouse (smokehouse.com) sells meats - especially bacon - on the internetz. Tara asked me if I'd be interested in a free sample of their new Bacon Steak Cuts. Obviously, I said yes (aduh), and a few days later this arrived:

And inside it were a few of these:

This was, of course, tremendously exciting. As Tara explained in her email, this is dry-cured, with no water added. It's not just bacon, it's bacon STEAK. I tried to take a few different pictures to show off its girth better, but this is the best I could get.

Which doesn't really do it justice. It's fat. And meaty. You think you've had thick-cut bacon, and then you get a strip of this in your hand and you're like damn.

So, you're wondering, is it good? Listen, this has nothing to do with the fact that I got it for the free - the shit is delicious. It's incredible. It takes a long time to cook, and if you cut a strip in half to make it fit in the pan better, it'll roll up like one of those plastic fortune telling fish, so pan-frying it is indeed somewhat tricky, but omg, it's so good. Because it's so thick, you get more of that pork belly type feel, where it's crispy on the outside and chewy warm fat on the inside. Boyfriend was unimpressed ("it tastes like bacon, what's the big deal"), but to me it was like manna from heaven. I think grilling it would be neat.

I was trying to decide what to cook with it, but aside from using two strips for a pot of kale (crap, I guess I never provided an updated version of my kale recipe! the secret is red wine vinegar) - which it worked brilliantly for, by the way, the thick cut lends itself perfectly to this type of thing - I actually ended up eating all that I got in basic fried fashion. And loving it.

Much, much recommended. It's seriously off the chain.